Move to Florida???

April 30th:
Florida is fantastic! Just got here and love it
already. Now this is a state that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a
place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a
blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

May 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem,
I live in an air-conditioned home and drive an
air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun
every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun
worshipper.

June 5th:
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to
maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING
SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today, but I love it
here.

July 1st:
The temperature hasn't been below 90 all week, not
even at night. Where are those ocean breezes we heard
about, still seems hot. Getting used to it will take a
while, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection, though.
I'll have to remember not to leave anything made out
of plastic in my car. Got one of those fuzzy steering
wheel covers, cheaper than the burn ointment for my
hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled
like.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over
60% of my body.)
Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do.
I learned my lesson though:
got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I miss our cat, Tabby. He snuck into the car when
I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot
car for lunch,he'd swollen up to the size of a
shopping bag and just as I opened the door he exploded
all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told
the kids he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles
and poop. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th:
Ocean breezes, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air
conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts. Only hope for a break in the heat would be a
hurricane.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights
now. Swatting the swamp mosquitoes that are as big as
B-52's. $1,500 in darn house payments and we can't
even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th:
100 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner
fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature
down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much
as the house payment. And two old lady drivers
almost ran me off the road.
I hate this state.

Aug 8th:
If another wise jerk cracks, "Hot enough for you
today?" I'm going to tear his head off. Damn heat! By
the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over,
my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted
Garfield!!

Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording:
Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot for two #@*& months and the
weatherman says it might really warm up next week.
And whoever came up with the statement, "it may be
hot, but at least you don't have to shovel it" should
die from heat exhaustion.
Doesn't it ever rain in this God-forsaken place??

Aug 14th:
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 102 today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out
of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and
said, "Hot enough for you today?". My wife had
to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of
jail.

Aug 30th:
Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house.
The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to
make it muggier than hell and drove the damned roaches
out of the ground. I wasn't aware they could fly! The
Lincoln is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean
with its new $500 windshield. That does it, we're
moving back to New York where all you have to worry
about is getting mugged.

I hope this state breaks in half and floats to Cuba