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Last updated
08/24/08
Only The Educated Are Free |
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PENSACOLA REST. &
DINING REVIEWS
01/13/08 PHILLY'S
'AUTHENTIC' SEAL OF APPROVAL
HOW TO ORDER A
CHEESESTEAK SHARP PROVOLONE is now available as a substitute cheese on your hoagie for an additional 50 cents. This is aged provolone, imported from Italy, and will light up your sandwich, and your mouth, in a beautiful way.
CANNOLI
INDIAN'S LAND
NO BRAINER LINKS |
EPA, NOT ENOUGH DAMAGE
NATIONAL ENERGY DAY
WAY MORE THAN JUST SPORTSMANSHIP
BEST CHEESESTEAK IN PHILLY
GENO'S IN THE
NEWS 06/23/06
PAYMENT
OPTIONS 06/26/08
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MAKE STIMULUS PERMANENT, LOWER
TAXES It’s interesting to see a bi-partisan move to put money (ahem, OUR money) back into the economy by sending checks for hundreds of dollars to millions of people totaling $150 billion. The same thing can be accomplished with lowering taxes. more
BEST 7-MINUTE VIDEO
SIGNS OF A STROKE
FUNNIES? |
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Half Time
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, ‘Seven Points.’ His wife rolls over and says, ‘What in the world was that?’ The old man replied, ‘It’s fart football.’ A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says ‘Touchdown, tie score.’ After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, ‘Aha. I’m ahead 14 to 7.’ Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, ‘Touchdown, tie score.’ Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, ‘Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.’ Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he’s got, and accidentally poops in the bed. The wife says, ‘What the hell was that?’ The old man says, ‘Half time, switch sides.”
All about Signs
Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:
‘Dr. Jones, at your cervix.’ ************************** In a Podiatrist’s office: ‘Time wounds all heels.’ ************************** On a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels ************************** At a Proctologist’s door: ‘To expedite your visit, please back in.’ ************************** On a Plumber’s truck: ‘We repair what your husband fixed.’ ************************** On another Plumber’s truck: ‘Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.’ ************************** On a Church’s Bill board: ‘7 days without God makes one weak.’ ************************** At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee?: ‘Invite us to your next blowout.’ ************************** At a Towing company: ‘We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.’ ************************** On an Electrician’s truck: ‘Let us remove your shorts.’ ************************** In a Nonsmoking Area: ‘If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’ ************************** On a Maternity Room door: ‘Push. Push. Push.’ ************************** At an Optometrist’s Office: ‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’ ************************** On a Taxidermist’s window: ‘We really know our stuff.’ ************************** On a Fence: ‘Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!’ ************************** At a Car Dealership: ‘The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.’ ************************** Outside a Muffler Shop: ‘No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.’ ************************** In a Veterinarian’s waiting room: ‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’ ************************** At the Electric Company ‘We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don’t, you will be.’ ************************** In a Restaurant window: ‘Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.’ ************************** In the front yard of a Funeral Home: ‘Drive carefully. We’ll wait.’ ************************** At a Propane Filling Station: ‘Thank heaven for little grills.’ ************************** And don’t forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP: ‘Best place in town to take a leak.’ ********************** Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck: ‘Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises’??
How it’s done:
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C., one from New Jersey, another from Tennessee and the third, Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.” The New Jersey contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$2,700.” The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?” The New Jersey contractor whispers back, “$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.” “Done!” replies the government official.
New US Government Seal Official Announcement:
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi today announced that the Democrats will change the country's emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the new government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn...It just doesn't get more accurate than that!!!
KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama : Hell Yes, We Have Electricity, Alaska : 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!, Arizona : But It's A Dry Heat !!!... , Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything . . . more
How To Impress a Woman:
Wine her. Dine her. Call her. Hold her. Surprise her. Compliment her. Smile at her. Listen to her. Laugh with her. Cry with her. Romance her. Encourage her. Believe in her. Pray with her. Pray for her. Cuddle with her. Shop with her. Give her jewelry. Buy her flowers. Hold her hand. Write love letters to her. Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her. How to Impress a Man: Show up naked. Bring chicken wings. Don't block the TV.
ANDY ROONEY URBAN
LEGEND ENDS HERE 02/15/05
The article of Andy Rooney Quips below is, as it turns out, one of those urban legends out there on the internet. I happily stand corrected, and the article has been changed to protect the innocent.
AN OLD MAN
was sitting on
a bench at the mall. A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He
had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life? Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering
if you were my son."
MATHEMATICS OF LIFE Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy more
SENIORS UPPER BODY WORKOUT
This is for older people!!! Younger people try it at their own risk.
THE HONEYMOON, PAR FOR THE COURSE
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
PONDER THIS ANDY ROONEY QUIPS
NOT CHRISTMAS
ALERT
BUMPER STICKERS HOW TO STAY FIT MOODS OF A WOMAN
THE MOVE TO FLORIDA STATE FAIR MATING BULL EXHIBIT MOTHER'S WISDOM
MURPHY'S LAW & MEN
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